Some nights, I sit around thinking about my future, thinking about their future, wondering how would life be in 3 years, 10 years, 20 years down the road.

Then I tell myself, hey, don't sweat it. Take one step at a time, life's hectic enough, stop worrying. 

I am so fortunate to have a husband who supports my choice to breast feed, accepts the way I parent my children and  tells me that he rather I stay home to look after our children more then anything else in the world. It makes him feel safe. Oh yes, it makes me feel safe.. And complete. 

But on some nights.. I feel insufficient. Am I doing enough? Am I doing it right? Am I a good enough mom? I could be more patient, I could be more loving, I could be more fun, I could be a lot more. 

Then I look at my children's sleeping faces and think about what we did today. We do the same thing everyday. 

7am - Rise and shine, play with both kids
7.30am - Start preparing for school. I'll clean and change Jonah, feed him, change Avril. 
8.15am - Leave house for breakfast with daddy and Avril. Jonah naps at home. 
9am - Drop Avril off at playgroup
9.15am - I reach home and daddy goes off to work. 
9.30am - Jonah wakes from his nap and I feed him, play with him. 
11am - Jonah goes down for nap
11.15am - Leave house to pick Avril and have lunch with her. 
12pm - Let Avril take her milk and nap
12.30pm - Feed Jonah and continue napping with him. 
2pm - Rise and Shine. Feed Jonah, change both kids and play with both of them. 
3.30pm - Let Jonah nap
4pm - Take Avril out for walk or do something with her. 
4.45pm - Come home and feed Jonah 
5.15pm - Feed Avril dinner while Jonah sits in rocker 
5.45pm - Bath time for both children
6.30pm - Feed Jonah and nurse him to bed, story time for Avril and by 7.30pm,
I wind Avril down for bed. The latest she'd go down is by 8pm. 

Jonah wakes for night feed 3 times a night but he feeds and sleep so that's not a problem. 

The list above looks decent but if I insert the amount of crying, whining, NO I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS or WHERE ARE WE GOING? a million times within the list, that is not funny at all. Haha. 

So I make myself better and give myself a pat on my shoulders. Good job, regardless of what happened throughout the day, good job, regardless of how others judge you when you had to carry a crying toddler because you refuse her biscuits at breakfast time. Good job for holding it all together even when it gets so hard and emotional. I'm not perfect but I think I did ok. 

Life's really great with the kids.. It's so tiring but worth it.


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