Half.
Two nights ago, I was trying my very best to get to sleep - It's like I've developed a machinery system in me. Don't get me wrong, my eyes are drooping all the time but when I'm positioned sleeping, I just can't drift off to slumber land.
So anyway, the point is, when I have trouble sleeping, besides being addicted to my iPhone games, sometimes I scroll through my blogs. You know the thing about keeping blogs is, when you re-read them after a long long time, it's like experiencing "yourself" again from an outsider's point of view; like watching a movie. When I read the happy parts, I find myself beaming like an idiot and sighing happily and when I read myself at a crossroad in life, I cannot help but embrace myself inside.
Was that really me feeling so down and out, so torn apart?
Shortly after experiencing a diluted amount of pain again, I slap myself out of a string of emotions and remind myself; "Look, you were a puddle of mess but guess what? You sucked it up and moved on, you survived it and you will do just that for every obstacle that comes along your way. "
It's true. How many times have we been too caught up in our "misery" we forget to count our blessings?
Yesterday, my eldest Sister sent me a text asking me to put aside unwanted clothes of AJ because she has a friend who has little money to afford raising a child in Singapore. She is due next Jan. When she told me this, my heart broke.
Being a mother, I've always made it a point to give AJ the best, sometimes a little too overboard but I wouldn't do it anyway else. She's a very lucky baby, I've got gifts from friends and relatives, second-hand and brand new gifts, my Mother-in-Law with a wide social network played a huge part in her plentiful gifts.
And while complaining that she has too much of clothes and toys, I forgot that there might be someone out there dying to be in our shoes, craving to be able to give her child all that we have, even if it was just a small slice of our pie. I was so ashamed of myself I immediately packed all that we didn't need - now I have accumulated 3 big bags of stuff - all of them in tip-top condition, If I were to hand on second hand stuff, I make it a point to ensure that they are all still in great shape so it would be like receiving presents instead!
I wish I could do more.
So anyway, the point is, when I have trouble sleeping, besides being addicted to my iPhone games, sometimes I scroll through my blogs. You know the thing about keeping blogs is, when you re-read them after a long long time, it's like experiencing "yourself" again from an outsider's point of view; like watching a movie. When I read the happy parts, I find myself beaming like an idiot and sighing happily and when I read myself at a crossroad in life, I cannot help but embrace myself inside.
Was that really me feeling so down and out, so torn apart?
Shortly after experiencing a diluted amount of pain again, I slap myself out of a string of emotions and remind myself; "Look, you were a puddle of mess but guess what? You sucked it up and moved on, you survived it and you will do just that for every obstacle that comes along your way. "
It's true. How many times have we been too caught up in our "misery" we forget to count our blessings?
Yesterday, my eldest Sister sent me a text asking me to put aside unwanted clothes of AJ because she has a friend who has little money to afford raising a child in Singapore. She is due next Jan. When she told me this, my heart broke.
Being a mother, I've always made it a point to give AJ the best, sometimes a little too overboard but I wouldn't do it anyway else. She's a very lucky baby, I've got gifts from friends and relatives, second-hand and brand new gifts, my Mother-in-Law with a wide social network played a huge part in her plentiful gifts.
And while complaining that she has too much of clothes and toys, I forgot that there might be someone out there dying to be in our shoes, craving to be able to give her child all that we have, even if it was just a small slice of our pie. I was so ashamed of myself I immediately packed all that we didn't need - now I have accumulated 3 big bags of stuff - all of them in tip-top condition, If I were to hand on second hand stuff, I make it a point to ensure that they are all still in great shape so it would be like receiving presents instead!
I wish I could do more.
6 months into Motherhood; I wish I could slow down time. AJ is growing up too fast. I often feel like getting pregnant could possibly the best thing that could have happened to me. Having a child changes a woman a great deal. It's true.
I thank God everyday I chose to be a SAHM for awhile before going back into the workforce, it's not everyday you get to see your child grow up, cheer leading when she hits a milestone, heave a sigh of relief when the doctor tells you she's growing just fine, watch her learn how to smile and laugh. From a tiny infant living in a bubble of her own into a person with her own personality.
Wow, that really is something to me.
For the past 6 months, Avril has been nothing but a bundle of joy to me (ahem, except when you refuse to drink milk)
Dear princess, you've been more then a daughter, you're my friend who requires plenty of attention and all my time but when I'm upset, you're always there. Thank you for painting rainbows in my black and white life, thank you for cheering me up with your silly grin when mama's sad or angry. Thank you for trusting me to shower you with love, to care for you and taking you hand in hand, step by step until you're old enough to fly on your own.
Thank you for constantly reminding me how important is it to be a better person because I want you to learn only the good and right examples. Thank you for giving me a chicken heart after I gave birth, I deem 100km/hr and above now unsafe for a child to be on board. Thank you for giving me so much to look forward in life.
A house of our own so you can have a room of your own (ahem), I will personally make sure that you are comfortable, warm and happy before I retreat into my own room next time ok? Another child so you can have a didi/meimei to play and look after. Classes for you to attend (*cough-kiasu*), to save up for your University fees (better pay me back next time hor - BTW, your papa says he will buy you a Mini Cooper when you have your driving license, let's hope he won't back out, you can print this and show it to him in future), travelling around the world with you etc.
We have so much in store for us! I can't wait for you to be able to communicate with me. I am sure we would have endless conversations. Ok, maybe not. I take that back.
I've had a great 6 months with you, let's keep this up and still be as in love in 60 years ok?
I love you baby girl. Happy half birthday in advance. xx
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