Sharing my Joy

I had a rough day this afternoon. I was collecting my passport and it starting pouring, there were no cabs home and it was Avril's meal time. She was cranky and fussing. I decided to pop by the food court opposite the ICA building and it was like a freaking sauna inside. I had no choice, she had half her intended meal and perspired like she finished a 10km marathon.

We later decided to take the public transport home because there were no cabs and I was too tired to even try. Trains were packed, not very interesting with a sick fussing baby.

I finally reached home and she fell asleep from finishing her milk. I felt so tired as defeated with my back acting up again and in a very long time.. I let go and cried like a baby. It's therapeutic you know, crying. It made me feel like I was human deserving of my own emotions. I didn't have to always keep it all together, right?

Blessed with a cab within seconds of calling a cab, I rushed to KK for my appointment with Dr. Tan and I saw the most magical thing before my eyes..

I am 12 weeks pregnant.

Actually, I already knew I was pregnant when I was about 6 weeks in but decided that I would keep it hush from social media because I was afraid of losing the baby - the family on the other hand couldn't keep secrets. Haha. Both side knew about it full fledged within days.

When I did my first scan, my little precious was nothing but a small little dot. I never really felt pregnant because I kept telling myself I'm still so early in but wow, time flies, without thinking much of my second pregnancy, I'm already almost into my second trimester. I am 5 days away.. I think we're quite safe sharing this wonderful news with all of you.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw my little one swimming on the screen. Dr Tan said "Wow! You've got a very active baby! Look at it swimming so vigorously! It's waving at you! Good length, hands and legs all formed" I've heard this before and dear God, bless me.

It is true! I nearly cried at the sight of him/her swimming so happily. How come we mothers never get sick of such things? This is my baby.. Another baby.. Another Avril or her in a different gender. Whichever it is, you are mine. Becoming a mother for me has been nothing but daunting the first time, it still is this time round. The only difference is, I know this time round just how much happiness and joy and tiredness this little bud will bring me in another half a year.

I'm sorry for gushing. I asked Dr Tan "how come grow so fast!" Like I'm expecting the first time. Its amazing.. He just smiled and said "Ya lor".

I feel like hugging Avril and kiss her a million times because I love her and her little sibling so much. (She's asleep, tomorrow sounds like a better idea) I will never grow tired of being a mother and slogging my guts out for them. Never.


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