11 June

Tonight, I feel a tad overwhelmed from the accumulated frustration and weariness from trying to coax AJ in to drinking from a bottle, since two weeks ago, I started just pure Breast feeding her at night, no bottles, no hassle and that allowed me to indulged in a couple more hours of eye shut but it seems like it's stirring a rebellion from the baby.

Maybe it's also due to me constantly allowing her to feed straight from my breast the past few days, I've been obsessed with the entire Hunger Games novel series and I couldn't pry my eyes off them.  Breast-feeding was the perfect solution. 

She usually allow us to feed her from the bottle at her 1pm and 7pm feed but for the past 2 days.. No such luck.  Not even halfway through and she starts using her tongue as the Great Wall of China, absolutely NO chance of getting that milk down her throat.  But you could see so clearly she is hungry! 

I can't help but feel a little defeated.

Luckily, Papa J is still around to help me for the next 3 weeks.  Even with the 2 of us around, we're often caught scratching our head and thinking out loud, just what the matter is wrong with you baby?

Initially, I hated Breast Feeding because it took up so much of my time and after my confinement, all I wanted to do was to sprint out of the house and "Let's go shopping!"  but alas, that phase has since died down and now all I want to do is laze around at home, instill as much vocabulary and knowledge in to the absorbing brain of my child.  And I have come to love the fact that Breast feeding has given us so much. 

It is an indescribable feeling to be bonded with your child.  Sometimes, when I'm down to my bones, angry, frustrated, upset about something, I empty my emotions, stare at AJ and then.. there it goes, she winks at me.  Or she grins.  Or she chuckles.  Or she just stares right back, down in to the core of my heart.

And there, my medication.

She is also starting to recognize my voice and my face. 

She is willingly to do more "tummy time" and she can lift her head 90 degrees, it gets longer and longer each time.

Sometimes.. I stroll through her pictures and all I could manage is "How is it that 3 months have just gone by so quickly?"  Some times, I picture her being a teenager, finding me an embarrassment because I still want to give her hugs and kisses and I can't help but cringe.  Please, let time slow down a little, let me savour these precious moments, these precious nights and morning.  Where I could awake to her gorgeous face grinning cheekily and sniff perspiration off her head. 

How do some parents let their children grow up and drift away.. I will never understand.


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