Happy Father's Day Part I
People visits the dead even after they are dead. To let the dead know that they are still being remembered. My father has passed away for 10 years and I never saw the point of visiting a bottle of ash placed in a God Forsaken place. I mean no disrespect but on all my big milestones in life, and when I'm at my lowest, I talk to my dad a lot. I mean, a whole lot. You don't need to visit a picture to remember, miss and love someone. They are always there. Those fond happy memories. Always, in my heart.
Ever since I became a mother, I think of my father even more then before. It makes me wonder what kind of a father I would like my husband to be, for our children. In many ways, Papa J reminds me of my own father. They say, you always marry someone who reminds you of your mother/father. Maybe it's not so true.
He didn't care about our grades but would boast when we did well. We were his pride, the four princess. He was ill for a long time and he always did things to make us happy. He took us to the drains to catch little fishes and brought us camping by the beach, played with fireworks and made us laugh. He drives like a mad man. My father was an outgoing and fun loving man. He was also the most loyal person I've ever met in my life.
He was quite a bad ass, my father. But he loved his family. On the day he died, while he was throwing up blood in numerous plastic bags, I remembered he held my second sister's hands and told her to look after the family. He cared and worried about us, even on his death bed. Not too long prior to his death, we were running low on dough because of his medical bills, but there was this special day, he took us all to Suntec City's Carrefour and told us to buy whatever made us happy. We bought useless picnic tables and some roller skates I think? I can't remember. But I remember his generosity and his big effort to cheer us up despite our bad financial status. We didn't get everything we wanted, no fancy toys, no pretty clothes. But did it matter? I don't think so. Money is not everything. He is not rich in his pocket but I think my father was a very wealthy man.
I miss my father. He was a very big part in my growing up years because he nurtured my love for animals, he taught me that loyalty was very important even though some people might not appreciate it and still try to con you at the end of the day. He taught me to be strong because small diseases like cancer won't stop his strong will to live. He taught me that in life, it is most important to be happy.
It has a tough 10 years without him and sometimes when I'm feeling really bad, I wish I could run into his arms and cry. Until Papa J appeared in my life, I never had support and I'm so thankful because regardless of what happens, he never fails to take my hands and tell me "Hey look, screw what the world thinks. I'm here. You're doing great, just continue being yourself."
Papa J.. Melts my heart completely and touches me in and out when I watch him spend time with Avril. He is the modern day father, believing that only through hands on activities and actually spending time with his children, he gets to bond with them. He is so stingy with himself but generous with Avril and me. He works all day but rushes home to tell his daughter a bed-time story and kiss her goodnight.
Last weekend, we took Avril to watch Barney at the City Square mall, Papa J put her on his shoulders but there were just too many people and we were so far away, Avril was wriggling non-stop and Papa J decided to put her butt on his head, so she could have a perfect view (Avril has a barney fever, she is crazy about anything associated with barney) for half an hour. Wow! I knew it was tiring so I kept nudging him to pass her to me but he refused because if I was carrying her she couldn't see. I couldn't believe his determination to give his daughter the best. All for barney.......
Before our Gold Coast trip, Avril never really could properly bond with Papa J because we either didn't have enough time or we just weren't doing things the right way. While we were away, Avril was sold. She saw Papa J day in, day out. He was the one who fed, changed, carried her. She would cry when he disappears through the door. It is only natural for a child to love and miss the people who are always there for them isn't it? I think if my child doesn't show love and clinginess for me despite me spending her whole life with her, something is really wrong.
By being at home, I ensure that she remembers her father periodically throughout the day and explains that he is hard at work outside so mommy could stay home to care for her.
Sometimes, his over protectiveness over Avril gets on my nerves but I guess I can't complain. We have a long way to go, to be close to being good parents but we're working, trying so hard. We're 24, what do 24 years old do these days? I don't know. Watch movie? Shop? Club? Go on holidays? Sun tan at the beach? Drive around and eat famous food from all over the world? Show off branded bags and pretty clothes? I don't know. That seem all very far away for me but you know what? I don't miss it at all. I only miss listening to good music and maybe my holidays. But what's a holiday without a child's enthusiasm? Hehe.
Do you know that while we want to teach our children to be independent beings, it is such precious moments when they are not independent? How long can I be helping her to dress? How long would it be before she starts to feed on her own? If we don't do all of this now, 20 years will pass by and we would have no stories to tell, no memories to look back on.
I am proud that Papa J is my husband and he is the best father in my heart. Nobody will ever love us the way he does and one such love.. Can bring us very far. I hope that one day, my children will read this and kiss their father stupid. This is how much your Super dad loves you guys, now, buy him a nice good meal and stop fooling around!
Happy Father's Day to all fathers in the world, plant some kisses and melt some hearts!