Bad Day
As I sit here typing on this empty page, my eyelids are heavy and my post pregnancy back is killing me.
For the past one month I have been struggling to feed Avril in peace and yesterday, I boasted triumphantly to Papa J "I finally know what the problem is! She must be suffering from a neck ache. I switched her to the other arm to feed and she didn't struggle at all! Not one bit! You try!"
So he did, and for the last 24 hours, she didn't struggle one bit.
Today, I took her out to my grandpa's place and decided to feed her before heading out, she wasn't crying in hunger yet. I usually feed her on demand. Guess what? No means No Mama! Fine. So I didn't continue trying. When we reached home, she cried in hunger and I tried feeding her, my tactic failed! It failed!!!
I really don't know what's wrong.
Each time she starts wailing, I feel like a failed mother (Really cry, got tears not bluff bluff one leh!). Today, I am beyond me. I am exhausted and frustrated and I am just so angry! I know most of you must be thinking "Just don't feed her la."
Reason #1 - Milk not cheap okay please, one bottle is $50.00 and it last us only 2-3 weeks MAX. She has been wasting so much milk, I think she has wasted at least 1 entire tin since birth. Very very bad habit. Papa J has been nagging at me. . . .
Reason #2 - I was feeding her Breast Milk - IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO THROW IT AWAY. MUST FINISH. My milk supply is depleting like mad and I am so upset, my initial plan was to BF until the end of July but looks like it's not very possible anymore. For my next child.. I will try total Breast Feeding, swear.
When I put her down on the bed, she started her usual laughing and "talk" and I just stared at her in blank space and told her coolly "Mommy's very angry with you." And guess what, she totally ignored me. After 5 minutes, I gave up trying to be angry and life went on as per normal. (Too cute to be angry with)
Of course, in the end, I managed to coax her in to finishing her milk, but as she grows bigger and heavier each day.. I feel like my back is just collapsing every second. I am so tired, I just want to plopped down on my bed and sleep away my life.
I've come to realised that if I am on my own, it is best to stay home. It is almost impossible to have 10kg (plus our baby backpack) on my shoulders and walk under the blazing damned sun. Fine, under the sun less then 20 minutes but hey, all that weight for close to 3 hours really nearly killed me.
Tomorrow, I will sign up for Yoga.
Here, the love of my life @ 11 weeks today :)
For the past one month I have been struggling to feed Avril in peace and yesterday, I boasted triumphantly to Papa J "I finally know what the problem is! She must be suffering from a neck ache. I switched her to the other arm to feed and she didn't struggle at all! Not one bit! You try!"
So he did, and for the last 24 hours, she didn't struggle one bit.
Today, I took her out to my grandpa's place and decided to feed her before heading out, she wasn't crying in hunger yet. I usually feed her on demand. Guess what? No means No Mama! Fine. So I didn't continue trying. When we reached home, she cried in hunger and I tried feeding her, my tactic failed! It failed!!!
I really don't know what's wrong.
Each time she starts wailing, I feel like a failed mother (Really cry, got tears not bluff bluff one leh!). Today, I am beyond me. I am exhausted and frustrated and I am just so angry! I know most of you must be thinking "Just don't feed her la."
Reason #1 - Milk not cheap okay please, one bottle is $50.00 and it last us only 2-3 weeks MAX. She has been wasting so much milk, I think she has wasted at least 1 entire tin since birth. Very very bad habit. Papa J has been nagging at me. . . .
Reason #2 - I was feeding her Breast Milk - IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO THROW IT AWAY. MUST FINISH. My milk supply is depleting like mad and I am so upset, my initial plan was to BF until the end of July but looks like it's not very possible anymore. For my next child.. I will try total Breast Feeding, swear.
When I put her down on the bed, she started her usual laughing and "talk" and I just stared at her in blank space and told her coolly "Mommy's very angry with you." And guess what, she totally ignored me. After 5 minutes, I gave up trying to be angry and life went on as per normal. (Too cute to be angry with)
Of course, in the end, I managed to coax her in to finishing her milk, but as she grows bigger and heavier each day.. I feel like my back is just collapsing every second. I am so tired, I just want to plopped down on my bed and sleep away my life.
I've come to realised that if I am on my own, it is best to stay home. It is almost impossible to have 10kg (plus our baby backpack) on my shoulders and walk under the blazing damned sun. Fine, under the sun less then 20 minutes but hey, all that weight for close to 3 hours really nearly killed me.
Tomorrow, I will sign up for Yoga.
Here, the love of my life @ 11 weeks today :)
Mama, why are my toys blue. I WANT PINK!!!
My favourite video of all time.
Hope you guys had a great Wednesday! ;)
XXXX,
AJ
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