A new beginning

Today, I sat down with J talking about the next few months that will come by in a flash.  Ever since the arrival of Avril, I could barely keep track of my dates and time - I often catch myself thinking "What? That was 2 hours ago?!"

We are currently debating about the pros and cons of me being a stay-home mom (Until she turns 9months - 1 year or so) or going back into the workforce for an additional set of salary to save up for 1) Rainy days 2) Upcoming house renovation fees 3) Avril's education 4) Holiday. 

Money and child. 

Before being caught in the middle of an additional choice - the initial plan was to leave my baby in the care of a domestic helper.  Lucy has been with J's family for a good 9 years and counting and the issue isn't really about trust anymore.  Sure I trust the helper (Ok fine, not a 100 percent). But it brought me back to an example the coach from "Center for Fathering" quoted.

"I saw a father carrying a child and a maid beside him.  They were on their way for a car wash at a HDB car park and when they arrived at the car, the father passed his child on to the maid and started washing his car."

What was the problem?  He should have instructed his helper to wash his car and bonded with his child instead.  His advice was "If there is help given, take it.  But always handover the household chores and choose to bond with your baby instead."

Before Avril arrived in this world, I was absolutely oblivious to how a baby changes one life.  I was honestly clueless.  You wouldn't know at all how much love you have to give until you feel your child take their first breath, have their tiny hands grasp yours, watch them smile in their sleep and chuckle at nothing.  I had absolutely NO maternal instincts (I am after all 23) and had no idea how to carry - not to mention care for a newborn but when they plopped her on my chest the moment she was extracted (C-section) from my tummy.. it was such a magical moment for me.  It was this tiny thing I was singing for all those nights, it was this alien looking baby burping and kicking me a good 6 months (you can't feel them kick for the first few months). 

There and then, I knew this was meant to be.

I had a little difficulty trusting others to care for her initially because I was sure no one would love her and care for her as much as I would but that's wrong - you'd probably die from exhaustion and depression.  But that's besides the point, the whole issue was, why should I let my child bond with a helper who would someday, somehow leave us?  Could I really stand the fact that my helper would be the one being there when she says her first word, watch her struggling to crawl, listen to her laughter, be there when she falls.. instead of me?

Being a new mother, I am sure there is so much more in parenthood I've yet to discover and love about.  At the same time, we don't want to be hasty making decisions at this point of time.  So.. please do share your precious advices with us!  We are young and green and very in need of friends who have young children to share valuable advices with us. :)

I only hope that via this thinking space, people who cares for Avril could have a closer view into her life even without seeing her daily, and of course, for the sentimental in me to look back and smile when I am having my Mommy bad days.

In 20 years time, I will make her read this and demand for an expensive Mother's day present.  Clever hor?

She spent her rainy Sunday afternoon sleeping away and when she woke up, she was greetly quite noisily by her Grand Aunt, Uncles and her Uncle Oliver!!!

Ooooh he is going to go around breaking all the poor girls heart!

Goodnight ya'll!


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